Suicide Note by the Princess

Read the last blog post to understand this one better! :)

"While I keep asking my self

Of why I let go

Of the love that was knocking

Right outside my door

It isn’t a fairy tale

He though nearing a prince charming

Life well we know is a bitch

And I gave in to its wicked schemes

Now that he is gone

Life did not cease to grow

And when I thought I had renounced love

The rain wrote his name on my window

Eyes flooded, lips quivered

Those long conversations appeared hanging in thin air

I shut my eyes to clog all ways

But his love shouted of promises

In my ears

I was scared of the blows that rained on me

When once I returned empty handed

From the threshold of love

And now that I have lost my way

Some far-away distances I must cover

In the quest of his love

To explore it within me

Something says I shouldn’t give up

That I should be a fighter

Look for the face that make the stars in the sky

To shine a little brighter

Even if I give up the quest to life

The heart I believe will continue

Reaching out to his ends in glee

While I die, set me ablaze

But keep safe these eyes of mine

That are turned towards him, expectantly."

Of a Guarded Heart.

A guarded princess lay in her castle

Protected she remained

From the storm of emotions

That might wither her, she thought

For love didn’t quite lay by her side

Left her abode once

So now she fought

Against every sentiment that even tried

To create a space in her heart

One fine winter noon

While she stood by the porch

A bangle seller came across

She descended down the castle

Heads turned

Her beauty was beyond any admiration

She posed her hand

The bangle seller looked

Stupefied by her charm

Arrested in love he stood

As he touched her hand

It nearly slipped

From the white glistening skin

As smooth as silk

She smiled at him

And ran back to the castle

His touch inflicted the chords

She had long sheltered

This became mundane

They would steal glances when he walked by

While every winter noon

At the porch, her hair she would dry

She stood before the mirror

Caressed her hair

Tears rolled down her eyes

For she was now scared

Of the brewing love

That she ignored

Of the passion that made its way

Through the walls of her heart

Through all the choked ways

She couldn’t have been in love again

Doesn’t it befall once?

With questions in her heart she tussled

Though every time she saw him,

Her heart never ceased to pounce

As she walked by the garden one night

He stood before her with all delight

She turned her back for she fumbled

She couldn’t hide the love

Apparent from her eyes

He asked for her hand

Announced his heart

She still couldn’t buy

She was in love

For they say, once smitten, twice shy

She ran away saying

“You must go, for I don’t want this from life”

He went ahead with his head down

Lamented for he couldn’t be her knight

She stood behind another wall

Walls all again

Looked down to see him walk away

With tsunamis tussling in her eyes

A silent tear made its way

She realized love it was

But was unsure whether she could cater anymore

To the sting of love

So she nudged it away

Another noon when the bangle seller came by

He didn’t look towards the porch

She still stood by the side

Stealing glances at the other woman

Who now was buying the bangles

She had denied

Envious she ran down and called him out

He left with the woman

SORRY alone he said in reply

Once love left her, now she let it go

Pangs of pain though were there to stay

A heavy heart is like a heavy cloud

Both when let lose, do better, they say

She would then remain at the porch

Even afraid of love

She had denied all the red in her life

But in no time red took the better of her

When out of resentment she let herself lose

In the wind, as she stood above the porch

And finally ousted her battle with love and life

The red blood still wasn’t as red

As her soft effervescent cheeks

And they announced, the princess died.

Night beyond years.

That Night I lived
That Night I Loved
That Night I Kissed
That Night I Blushed
That Night I Submitted
to his charms,
That Night I let myself free
in his arms

That Night I felt his breath
climbing up my neck to my ears
Whispering I was special
He held me to never let go
That Night was beyond years

That Night I belonged to him
Only to realize, the day rested at the brim.

As I say Goodbye.

As I say goodbye to the hand that held

The falling me, the lost myself

As I say goodbye to eyes that promised

Of love, of friendship, of feelings unmatched

As I say goodbye to the kiss unlived

No matter how much I suppressed the yearning self

As I say goodbye to the laugh that echoes

In the ballroom of my heart, where a certain feelings danced

As I say goodbye to the promises unspoken,

As I say goodbye to the affinity down trodden

As I say goodbye to the arms unwrapped,

As I say goodbye to something I never had

My heart sinks

I stand with a batted breath

To witness the impending

To watch you walk ahead

And how I still will never regret

For something unparalleled we sure shared

Something premium not molested and raped

With the flood of expectations

But fostered with a clasp of love innate

These few days will remain etched in my head

When you only gave, expecting nothing

Your memories will span distances and times

As I will pull of a smile to the world and amidst

My heart will never cease to sink.

Wept!

Today as I sat and told her

Don’t cry honey that is how things move

She wept and wept and wept

I told her, to tell him

Love is all you need

She wept and wept and wept

I told her, you got to understand

Don’t let love go

She wept and wept and wept

I told her, he loves you

He isn’t possessive but watchful

She wept and wept and wept

She said, what do you know about love

You failed in your own quest

I looked at her as eyes brimmed

She picked up her bag and left

Gravity didn’t retire to idleness

Tears she pulled with all duress

As I wept and wept and wept.

The Unfulfilled love

And today when I fell back

You weren’t in time to catch

A wound inflicted again in heart

Of the love that went ahead

Leaving the us behind

Leaving the eyes teary red

No, it’s not the nose anymore.

And today when I scrolled through contacts

Your name still fastened my breath

A silent tear rolled down my cheek

I typed my heart in a text

I curled up in the blanket alone

No, it’s no more you by my side.

And today when I picked up my pen

And today when I wrote my name

I still wrote your last and attached it to mine

And today when I wrote my heart in the text

And today when I almost hit a send

I erased it all, for I can only whine

As today I stand alone for love left abode

As today your love is no more mine

As today we admire from distances alone

As today the love stands unfulfilled

As today the pursuit remains unaccomplished

How I wish I was a time traveller

For if not fix things,

I could reach out to the better times.

Tsunamis in my eyes never cease to drown me

The coldness in the air makes me miss the warmth

As I would snuggle in with all my love

In your bosom, in the ardor of your arms

And today when I grabbed the pillow

And today when I turned the light down

There appeared a text that said

“How are you? What’s going on?”

“I am terrible without you come take me back”

Is all I wanted to say as eyes brimmed again

“I am good, how about you”

Is all I could write and then howled in pain

And I still wonder, and I still believe

Grieving for you is better

Than moving on

For they say, its unfulfilled love alone

That is a romantic one.

When he saw her last

The sunny day, the heat, the sweat

I lingered somehow to college in tracks

The first bench was my best friend alone

That tree in the college garden my bolster

In these hot summers I laid in its shade

It reminded of my mother’s lap

It reminded of my father’s hand

When he would keep it on my shoulder

Telling the ways of life and men

They died last year.

Another day, same faces

I was used to of my routine enough

The first bench, the break and my tree

The scribbling with my pen on paper

As I occupied my seat

I smelled a fragrance

A sudden air went across my face

It was as I stood amidst a valley

Full of flowers and hues of grace

I looked at my side

She sat there.

Those eyes were bigger than an infant’s

They carried a tinge of brown

Every time those curled lashes shut

It seemed the world came to an end

Her curly locks fell above her waist

They were darker than the darkest night

That kohl lined up her eyes a way

That swayed many stories from her life

As she looked at me and said that ‘Hello’

Those little pink lips moved in the most delicate way

That nose on her face, how I wished I could touch

Every boy yearned for her and girls stood in dismay

She was the wish I would ask God for

The lost light of my life I yearned

She was the girl I would have taken to Mom & Dad

Had they been here to bless their young son

I wrote her a letter to tell her how I felt

Ninety sleepless nights and days

I pictured us together in my growing

I was sure my love would find its way

As I entered the next day

Waiting with batted breathe

She came up to me

My hand she held

Torn pieces of my letter

She handed over and said

“Get lost from here

You scrap you loser”

And those classmates mocked

But I didn’t regret

She was the only wish I beheld

This was the piece he wrote the last

Nobody knew where he went

With her picture in his heart

And with his unfulfilled love

He never returned to that land

After many a years

When she was the mother of two

Everybody reunited and celebrated old days

She was as breath-taking

As she ever was

She only got beautiful with her age

She asked for him to a few

Nobody ever knew where he was

She rushed back home

Opened a letter from him she long possessed

But never cared to read before

She didn’t need it

Everything in life she has always had

She read it and crashed into the floor

He had died that day

For only death could pacify

His unfulfilled love

His desire for her, for his life

She lamented, she cried

She clutched her hair, tore her dress apart

His last words were,

“You were my only wish,

The one I wanted to see the last”

And so he chose the day

He saw her the last.

Plot courtesy: Neha Choudhry, Her blog (beautiful collection of poems) : Let Life Breathe...